unexpected pregnancy is actually so weird like you can accidentally make a person
I JUST SPAT OUT MY WATER
*walks into starbucks* lemme get uh spaghetti bolognese macchiato
"sir we don’t serve that"
don’t bullshit me i saw the secret menu on instagram
Guy on train:
I'd fuck you if you didn't have so many tattoos.
*turns up music*
I said I'd fuck you if you didn't have so many tattoos!
*takes off headphones* Leave. Me. Alone.
Why the fuck do you have so many tattoos?
Are you fucking deaf as well as a piece of trash?
Lady by door:
Hey. Leave her alone.
Are you her trash girlfriend? Fucking dykes, all tattooed like fucking men. Disgusting waste of pussy.
*moves forward, carefully moves jacket so only I can see the badge on her belt* Are you okay?
Fine. Just wish he'd go away.
I can make that happen.
Oh, yeah, bitch? Who the fuck are you? I'll kill you!
And that's what I was waiting for. *grabs guy, holds him against the door* Harassing women on the train was enough, but you just threatened a cop. You're battin' a thousand tonight.
Teacher - did you do anything nice during Summer?
Me - oh yeah, I went to L.A, New York, Miami and did a bunch of photoshoots